Michelle Muccio
 
Michelle Muccio

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
 
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Michelle's Story

Michelle Muccio has tried to be many things. She was a congressional intern for the House Majority Leader, Dick Armey, (of whom she only saw once). More accurately, she was the lackey of a moderately angry woman with a GOP tattoo on her ankle, who assigned Michelle the important task of opening all the mail from all the people who wanted to warn the Congressman about the aliens.

She was an apprentice of a Napolitano pizziaolo who spoke zero English and insisted that she would be a great pizzamaker if she would just stop dropping the pizzas on the floor, and if she would turn into a man. She was a federal budget researcher at a very conservative think tank where she was very much a problem on a daily basis because she was raised by an NPR-listening, social worker father and a mother who, after watching the Clarence Thomas hearings, cast a write-in vote for Anita Hill for President.

Michelle was also a small-time YouTube sensation for a day because she made a video asking the President to give her back her payroll taxes. (He eventually gave everyone their payroll taxes back, but not because he saw her video.) She was an economic television pundit, until she quit because she did not like arguing on television with middle-aged white men for a living. She was a wedding video editor after spending two uncomfortable years getting a B minus in multivariate calculus and, subsequently, ending up with a piece of paper that made the provocative claim that she was a "master" of economics.

She was a film producer and director of short documentary films that most people will never see because they were either for an arguably evil, top-secret client who could be trying to take over the world, or they were about puppetry. And she was a C-level model whose main job was to take small children who were not hers and pretend like they believably came out of her body, while wiping the snot out of their nose and balancing the tiny beast on a fruit-shaped pool raft.

Currently, she is a human who observes curious things and tells stories about them.

 
 
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You were once wild here. Don’t let them tame you.
— Isadora Duncan
 
 
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